just let them think, theres no place else youd rather be . . . .

It's midnight. I.m waiting to cross the road, all of my attention, transfixed on a vivid red, golden leaf falling from a sycamore tree, floating gently towards the ground.

It's Autumn, the season of change. I can sense it, it feels mysterious, exciting! But as i continue walking, leaves crunching beneath my feet, i find myself thinking, what exactly is changing??

I don't usually do the whole new years resolution thing, but this year i made an exception. Yes, by 31st of December 2009, everything will be different. I was going to change my life completely, my general outlook, my attitude, my total defensiveness. I will be a different person by the end of the year.

I have always believed that there was some sort of plan laid out for me, and because of this, i felt sort of. . .invincible. Like no matter what came my way, i would overcome it. No matter how down or depressed i got, I'd always come out of it because that's not part of 'the plan'

but now . . .I'm not too sure. . .

It's been a difficult few weeks. Life seems to be throwing everything at me, pushing my limits simply to see where my breaking point is, and it seems that at any moment, life is about to break me.

Yes, I promised myself things would be different. But, looking out the window, I see Summer is very quickly changing to Autumn. I'm watching the leaves falling from the trees, the nights get longer, colder. The skies get quieter as the birds escape the gloom of winter.

I'm standing here, completely still, stuck . . .living the same day over and over again and again, watching everyone else around me grow and move on with their life.

The year is coming to an end and I'm not keeping any of my promises to myself.

If change is so good, why am i so afraid??

and then it rains . . . .

So I'm sitting in the cinema . .thanking god for the darkness as the tears stream down my face. . .iv become that girl.

I've changed my mind . . . .its not worth it.

thats what you get when you let your heart win . . .

As i was walking home from work today, i came across a young girl walking towards me. As she passes me i can see she is obviously crying. . . .and i cant help but imagine myself in her shoes . .and wonder . . . why??

Suddenly, I'm the girl, walking down the road, head down, trying to hide my tears and broken heart as i brush my hair back over my eyes. As i assume this is the reason for her tears, i realise how terrifying this is. . . .

To give yourself completely to someone. To willingly give them the power to hurt you more than anyone else in the world. Your heart is not yours anymore, but theirs, to do with, what they will.

But can you fully blame them when they do hurt you?? . .when you are the one who gave them the power??

I picture the girl in my mind and find myself thinking . . . .is it worth it??

i think so. . . .

Blue Skies!! . . . . .

So i did it!! I threw my ass out of a perfectly working plane for no apparent reason whatsoever . . . and lived!!

Then a man who I’m pretty sure was named Roger came over to me. . . .He’s the man I would be attached to as I plummet to the ground! . . . FUN!! He tightened my harness and talked me through what I had to do.

We were ready to go!! . . . We walk out of the hanger. . . It’s raining!!

We would have to wait for the weather to clear before we went up! . . .

So we waited around for about an hour, getting more nervous with every minute that passed. Sorting out my last will and testament, you know, just in case I died. Everything would be fine now that my tortoises had a good home to go . . . . I was called. It was time . . .

By now 3 more people arrived so the plane was full on the way up. It was decided that I would be 3rd out. We got to 10,000ft and the door was opened.

FUCK!!! . . . . . . . . . .

The wind gushed into the plane and the noise of it was deafening. The first pair jump. . .

The second . . .

Roger tells me to kneel on the floor, I do, put one leg out of the plane, and I do that too. . . . . .Now jump!

So I’ve just jumped out of a plane! But instead of falling straight towards the ground like all the others, I’m spinning and tumbling all over the place! . . . And I’m thinking,

WOAH I TOALLY GOT THE BEST JUMPER DUDE!!!! . . .

About 10 seconds after we stopped spinning, the parachute opens and I start floating towards the ground, I land. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m detached from Roger and he asks me what I thought of all the spins and twirls when I got out of the plane. .AMESOME!!! . . . .But apparently they weren’t planned, and I had kicked him out of the plane nearly killing us both. OOPS. .

Only me!!

loves the funeral of hearts . . .

The Viking Ship . . .

On holiday in Portugal. Visited a place called Zoomarine. They had one of them Viking Ship ride thingys . . . EXCITEMENT!!!

I had never been on one before and it looked quite amazing, so I begged the aul siblings to go on it with me. My sister and I on one end. My brothers on the other. This was going to be AMAZING!!!

It started to swing . . . . I started to cry . .

After like two swings I was lying across my sister’s lap screaming. Everyone was laughing at me. MORTIFYING!!

And I’m supposed to be jumping out of a plane on Sunday!

Im scared to know . . .Im always on your mind.

i fell in love with this song! . . . so i said i'd share :)